I just finished the Toronto Baby Show and am still amazed there were so many exhausted parents. There was even one dad who took a nap in one of the rest areas. He should have tried out the adult bouncy chair like I did.

I couldn't believe how many parents approached me who blamed themselves for the reason their child did not sleep. No matter how many times I am interviewed about what mistakes parents make in regards to their children's sleep, I always reply that we parents don't make mistakes as parents, we just survive. If there is one time we don't want to be judged, it is certainly when we’re sleep deprived. Yet wherever you look for help, family, friends, and especially the Internet… that’s exactly what happens. Everyone is an expert and you, well you, are doing it all wrong and screwing up your child, at least that's how they make you feel.

I think it is important to remember that everyone's definition of sleeping through the night is different. For one parent getting up five times a night is a good night where another may find twice a night fully unreasonable. Some families would be happy to co-sleep but wish they didn't have to use their breast as a pacifier. Where another would really like to get the sleep they had pre-baby.

For some parents, making a change to their children's sleep habits is hard for a variety of reasons.  Emotionally, they may have had a difficult pregnancy or birth, or the baby may have had some health issues that still weigh heavily on their hearts, or you just hate hearing your baby cry.

It is important to remember that you can only control how you support your child not always how they respond to you. It is important when choosing to change your child's sleep habits that you choose a technique that fits your parenting style.

Many well-meaning friends and doctors will suggest you put them in a room and walk away, but if in your heart it doesn't feel right,chances are you won't be able to follow through with it and more importantly,it won't work. Instead choose limits of support that you feel comfortable
following through with like sitting in a chair beside their crib or even laying beside them but not offering the breast.

Although change is always difficult, the chances of you following through are much higher and in no time both you and your child will get the sleep you both need.    

Tracey Ruiz is The Sleep Doula, committed to providing physical, emotional, and educational support to families with sleep problem solving. For more information on The Sleep Doula's services visit www.TheSleepDoula.com